My mean self

I'm still exhausted, trying to get caught up on rest from my quick trip to New York City last week. When I got back to work last week I had a ton of stuff waiting for me. It was no suprise though, because it was mostly the stuff I didn't have time to finish before I left, so I knew it would be waiting. I worked a little from home on the 4th, then pushed really hard Thursday and Friday to get more done, but I'm still so behind. I brought lots of work home this weekend, but I just haven't had the heart to dive into it yet. I've been really stressed about work and my inability to keep up with things and had several fights with my boss about it over the last few days. Friday she wanted to talk about it again, right before I had a stressful conference call that I was in charge of. It was a short, heated discussion that resolved nothing and resulted in my slamming my door after she left. My boss is great and she takes it all in stride when I get like this and can still joke about things. Later that day we were meeting with one of the accountants who needed some answers from us and she smiled and looked at me and replied "Kelly and I are still fighting about that one. We'll let you know who wins".

I appreciate that she lets me be confrontational with her and just engages in those arguements without getting mad at me. It's because she's reading these management books that talk about how conflict is healthy as long as it leads to resolution. And I'm kind of taking advantage of that. But I don't like it at all when I get like this. I don't like to be mad and mean, which is exactly what I am whenever we talk. I feel like I'm sort of stuck and am not sure what to do. The way I figure it, my choices are either to look for a new job, accept my fate at my current job and just start working more hours so I can get things done, or stay at my current job and refuse to work the extra hours and let things drop off my plate. The problem is, I like my job and I don't really want to leave, but I can't bring myself to let things drop. It's just not in me. All of the projects I am involved with support the work that others do, so if I let things drop, it causes problems for others and I can't stand that. So I think I just work the extra hours for now and hope things change in the future. And try not to be so mean at work. Or maybe avoid people more so they don't realize how mean I am when I am stressed :)